In the meantime I try to be open to the river of life, without to be closed in this vision, perhaps there is another beautiful one that I still can not see. Life of Steve Jobs, who missed a few days ago, is a teaching.
The fact is that life doesn't like easy solutions, as in the theater she prefers the ones that you wouldn't have wanted, because that is where you give the best of yourself, that's where you take out that part of you that you have left to rot in prison of your habits. I mean, my solution seems difficult enough but the real question is whether this is really what I want to do. If it is, there will not matter of visa, otherwise I'll have to find out the way. Discovering it inside me.
This summer, after a long time, there has been some movement, some glow at a sentimental level. If about romantic events I have not much to tell, inside me the mountains have moved. Now I have to deal with a desire to live, to stabilize a relationship that is well present at the same time I know that I will continue to move. It's the usual temptation to refuge in the safeties, you want to save in the bank something you have acquired, a warm body to hug in the night, the fridge full, a stable income.
I want to continue to believe in Life, I don't want to defend in banks what I have accumulated, I try to listen and follow the muffled cries of my soul. Everything into question, day after day, so tiring but so alive ...
I would want to live well what I am living, whatever it is, without regretting anything. If I feel that I want something else, I try to take the time to say what I feel and follow it. Mine is not a journey, a parenthesis, is my life here and now, I am convinced that you can establish live relations here and now ... and if I'm wrong I can always go back and bad that it goes I can live as a homeless man at the station, eating at soup kitchens. I'm sure that will not go that way, but even if it is? What should I be afraid, if not of getting to the end of my life and not having done what I felt to do, having lived the life of another one?
It won't be so. I hear my fear always crushes me down, towards to small and safe things, but now I can't bend anymore. Now I know the uncomfortable roommate of my mind. Even clumsy and ridiculous I'll face my monsters as I am, without haste, without anxiety, and I'll win or I'll lose, but it will be the life for which I was born.
Each of us is alone in front of this, but at the same time we are never alone. I am with you, brother, sister, reach out your hand, takes the first step, you will always find someone and you know it, because you've already experienced. See you soon, with one thousand new phantasmagoric adventures. From Kuala Lumpur.
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